"Two are better than one... If one falls down, his friend can help him up... Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

When i first read this verse the first thing i thought of was marriage. I don't remember how long ago it was that i noticed this verse maybe a couple years back? It's one of those verses that you know you want to keep for that special someone.

I was thinking today about how neat/nice it would be to receive a journal or have a xanga of my future husband to read back on. To kind of get a glimpse into what he was like/what his youthful thoughts were haha. I dont know, maybe its because i love journaling and because words always weigh heavily when i read them. That's why i love cards and encouragements so much i guess? Because you always have them to read back on.

Now that i sit here typing i'm kind of second-guessing if i should continue on with this or not. I have a journal that i started to my future husband, i totally forgot about it. Probably because of Chris... but it' amidst my jam-packed box full of journals. I should get it out when I go back to school/up to Carina's.

I was thinking since i know technology is only going to continue growing, that i might as well start a blogspot written to my future husband. Not as personal as hand-written letters I guess but it could do? I feel so silly doing this though.

What will he be thinking? Is this going to be like some silly little girl thing i do? That's another thing, I can't seem to grasp onto the fact that i am TWENTY years old. That is pretty darn old! I'm not some little kid anymore... and it scares me. Because I know that although my parents have let me go to college, they still pay for me and provide for me, but one day I WILL be on my own to muster up enough money to support myself and my family. It's scary, mostly because I wont have someone protecting me anymore. As we grow up the world just seems crueler and scarier/ easier to get hurt and to be in very scary situations.

which makes me think of responsibility.

ever since i've been home, it seems like with each time i'm home again, and especially this summer, the more and more i feel like i'm becoming a mother already. AHH scary =X thank goodness child birth is still in many years to come. but really, cleaning, cooking, getting work done, driving around, it is tiring! i really hope i'm a good mother and that i will be close to my kids. and i hope my husband and i will make decisions together so that our kids love the both of us equally overall.

i know it's so "ideal" and chick flick dreamy... but, i hope my husband will still want to hold my hand and say sweet things to me when we get older and busier. and still think i'm beautiful. and still sit down to read the Word with me and pray with me. i know, it sounds too perfect.

if there's one thing i love, it's cuddling. sitting on a big comfy couch, cuddling, just enjoying each other and having that be enough. its like nothing in the world can harm you and all is safe and "as it should be". one day... and when that day comes, i will enjoy it to its fullest. haha

it has been SO nice to be home. highlights thus far:
- first, definitely that yeh yeh accepted Christ in the ER a couple days ago. what a moment!
- GAP night/ CEC LIFE in general, its been a blessing getting to know them all and feeling so welcomed
- being able to drive! except gas is sooo expensive

looking forward to this weekend in irvine and at the wedding with austin.

i cant believe china is in less than 3 weeks. it's still slowly settling in. ahhh excited and scared all at the same time =)

i want someone to love. i want someone who i will see God through and experience God as lover through. i long for it but also know i must patiently wait for God's timing because it is then that it will be perfect and most beautiful. "do not awaken love until it so desires".

Lord, may my heart be fully handed over to you so that in You do i build my guard.

i can't wait to be able tell you i love you and mean it with all of my heart and being.

~jess